Wednesday, October 23, 2013

How to Start a Fight with your Spouse


A buddy of mine posted this on facebook. I immediately decided to share with anyone who wants a laugh...How to Start a Fight with your Spouse

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

______________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started......

Source for image above

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Wednesday, October 23, 2013 When was the last time you felt as if things were falling apart? How was the situation resolved?
Today... Just kidding! I felt that way a lot before I finally started making full time income again. Now, I have a good job and am making more than I was three weeks ago and I feel like I'm heading towards making my career what I wanted it to be rather than the mess it was starting to become.

My goals are revived and I'm ready, willing and able to start working on the plans for making my dreams come true.

If things ever start to feel as though they are falling apart again, I will probably just do what I have done in the past...write a list of goals and then write a plan to achieve them.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Tuesday, October 22, 2013: Tell us the last time you "fell on your face" (literally or figuratively).

I don't like today's prompt so instead of talking about the last time I fell on my face...here are some photos of folks that fell on their face. Enjoy!






Monday, October 21, 2013

Monday, October 21, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Monday, October 21, 2013 Are you easily tricked? Do you fall for things?

Gullible might as well be my middle name. I'm very easily tricked. I hate admitting this. I wish it was not the case. Sadly, it is. People that know this about me get a kick out of it, especially my husband. He thinks scaring me, tricking me, fooling me is an absolute blast. Because of the ease with which I can be tricked we don't celebrate April Fool's Day and I trust no one on that day. It is built into me that April first EVERYONE will try to trick me since I fall for everything so on that day I have convinced myself everyone is a liar. 


Friday, October 18, 2013

Friday, October 18, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Friday, October 18, 2013 Are you scared of heights or do you love looking down from a high point?
I'm TERRIFIED of heights! Let's put it this way, I was sitting in the top row of the Tampa Bay Times Forum for a hockey game last weekend and just that height made me feel like I was dying. I felt dizzy and had a really hard time looking at the floor watching the players move that itty bitty puck back and forth.

However, when I am able to look out instead of down, I'm generally ok. When I was at the Pinnacle in Kentucky looking out to the three states that surrounded me, I thought the beauty was breathtaking. It was only when I looked over the edge and straight down that I immediately felt I could fall to my death in an instant.

So, to recap- I love looking out high up but HATE looking down!!!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Thursday, October 17, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Thursday, October 17, 2013 How long does it take you to fall asleep at night?
That depends on if I have taken a sleep aid or not. When I take something to help me sleep, I can generally read myself to sleep in thirty minutes or less. When I don't take something to help me sleep I often lay in bed thinking waaaaaaaaaaay too long before I'm able to finally fall asleep.

I've been learning that there are certain things I should not do around bed time, otherwise I'll be up much later than I intend to be:
1. I can't watch anything on television that is going to scare me, thrill me or generally get my adrenaline pumping.
2. I should not start talking about the future or more dreams because then I stay up thinking about how I can make my dreams come true and planning for the future.
3. I should not try to exercise because then I'm too pumped to sleep.
4. I should not keep thinking of the things on my to-do list...instead I just write them down on the notebook next to my bed so that I can quit thinking about them. Sure, they are probably already written on my master to-do list, but I'd rather write it down twice than to risk not having it written down and let it keep me up at night.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Wednesday, October 16, 2013 Oprah Winfrey said, "So go ahead. Fall down. The world looks different from the ground." Do you embrace failure?

I don't embrace failure- Hell no! I run from it. I believe you only fail if you quit trying and when it comes to the things I want, I keep going for them as long as I want them.

There are activities and things I eventually may realize I'm not good at, and I will stop them if the love for them falls away or if I stop wanting them. However, even those things I've walked away from I don't believe I failed at. I believe I didn't want them enough to keep trying for them. They are not failures, sure they most certainly are not successes...but it was only a failure if I wanted it and stopped trying to achieve it.

The good news is if there is something you want and you stopped trying for it, you can usually try for it again if you still want it bad enough. Sure, you can't try again to be a child star or a child athlete once you get older, but why can't you be that as an adult? It may not be exactly the same, but I believe you can always have components of your dream come true to fulfill your desires.

For example, I knew of a gal that wanted to be an actress as a child. She gave up on it in high school, but when she was ready to try for that dream again she started community theater. She may not be rich and famous but she still performs and that brings her happiness, so I consider her dream accomplished.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Tuesday, October 15, 2013 Tell us about the first person you "fell" for.

I guess it was third grade. Michael Ligori. He was this cute eight year old that I was feeling puppy love for. That was the first time I started to think boys were cute instead of boys were stupid...although some boys (and men) will never lose their stupidity! Michael was my "boyfriend" and he was so sweet. Wonder whatever happened to him....I'm not going to facebook him but I wonder...lol

Happy Birthday Fight Club!!!

 

15 years ago today the film Fight Club was unleashed onto "the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." This movie is one of my favorite flicks of all time and one that I watch and quote frequently. If you have not seen this movie yet, you can get it HERE. If you have seen it and didn't like it, we can't be friends anymore. No, seriously! All cool kids like the movie Fight Club

Happy Birthday Fight Club!!!

Some of my favorite quotes from the flick include:

Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. 



Tyler Durden: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. 

Tyler Durden: Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: someone yells "stop!", goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Narrator: [about the soap] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.   

Narrator: This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Monday, October 14, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Monday, October 14, 2013 Tell us about falling in love: What does it feel like?

Falling in love is like getting the flu or getting food poisoning (without all the snot and throwing up of course). You're whole body just feels different. Your stomach hurts, your head spins, your heart flutters and your brain feels foggy. 

At the same time falling in love is like Christmas morning. You are so excited and you know you're getting something wonderful and you get happy enough to cry.

When the person you are falling in love with is falling for you too, it is the best feeling in the world. There's just nothing like it.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Friday, October 11, 2013

October NaBloPoMo

#NaBloPoMo October 2013 Prompt for Friday, October 11, 2013 Pumpkin or apple pie at Thanksgiving (or choose any fall holiday)? Do you have a family recipe?

Neither! We always have chocolate pie. So yummy and super simple. All we do is get a Pillsbury ready to bake pie crust and bake it. Next, we get some Jell-O pie filling and cook it and pour it in the baked pie crust. Lastly, we take the pudding filled pie crust and put it in the refrigerator. Once it's cold - we eat!
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